Bitcoin Well Introduces NGD Insurance - so you can HODL to 0 like a psycho

Hodlers, maxis, and fellow psychopaths, Bitcoin Well has the last thing you need to feel comfortable in a full send and exit the fiat scam; NGD Insurance - juuuuuust in case.

When you buy $69 from Bitcoin Well you will automatically benefit from “Number Go Down” Insurance. If bitcoin crashes to $0 before the year 2140 we’ll refund your order in full. No questions, no shame, just pure fiat relief 😮‍💨

Why NGD Insurance?

We know the drill: you’ve got ice in your veins and a seed phrase tattooed somewhere discreet. But even the staunchest bitcoiner flinches when Bitcoin Twitter lights up with “BTC to zero” FUD. Or worse, Jim Cramer announces his - shiver - bullishness.

NGD Insurance is our nod to your unwavering faith— a hedge against the doomsday charts. Maybe old-man Peter Schiff is right, and shiny yellow metal really is the ultimate store of value. Or who knows, Buffet is sitting on a few hundred billion in melting ice cubes - AKA cash - so he must know something we don’t, right?

We’re not saying bitcoin isn’t the ultimate asset. We know it is! Think of NGD Insurance as a bit of CYA for when the lettuce-handed globalists panic-sell (or the government confiscates all the coins in Coinbase Custody, did somebody say 6102?)

How It Works

Smash buy $69 at bitcoinwell.com/app/buy. (You were gonna anyway, right?)
HODL like the bitcoin anarchist psychopath you truly are.
If BTC hits $0 before 2140, we’ll refund your entire order.

NGD Insurance is for true believers. You’re in it for the revolution, not the exit liquidity. But if the number ever does go down—all the way down—we’ve got you covered. Think of it as a lifeboat you’ll never need.

Head to bitcoinwell.com/ngd to make an account and snag your NGD Insurance and keep stacking with swagger. It’s the ultimate flex: you’re so bullish, you can laugh at zero.

Stay sovereign, stay sane, and may your keys stay cold and in your control.

PS - Happy April Fools Day, but for real, $69 purchases grant (wishes) today 😉